Living a dream before it curdles

I was at GeekGirlCon this past weekend and it provided me with more than a few moments of reflection.  It was at GeekGirlCon in 2013 that I began to think about a different kind of life.  It was the first convention I'd attended in years.  In a way, it was a "coming out" moment for me in the sense that for the first time in probably over 15 years I was in a room with so many people focused on a single set of topics.

A convention isn't just a random crowd of people, but people gathered together for a purpose, and unlike a fair or a festival, there's an educational, or academic, component.  So, while I've been to plenty of fairs or festivals, or large crowded gatherings, it had been too, too long since I learned something with a focused intensity along with a crowd of others.

GeekGirlCon is that "perfect size" convention for me - not too large, not too small.  There's an entertainment quality to it, but also there's some interesting alternative components to it as well, and that is what moved me.  I saw very smart people who created beautiful works of art in comics; games - board, RPG, and programmed; there were writers' panels; scientific topics; even an introduction to 3-D printing.

This year, I dressed as I usually do - in one of the t-shirts from my collection, although this picture is from my working days.  I wish I had the imagination to have thought of Darth Princess.  She is my hero.

So, it's a fun Con, with a large variety of topics to which I was exposed for the first time.  And the sheer concentration of talent and smarts reminded me of this larger world of possibilities.

What happens when a person hits that point where they've "done it all"?  I still have no answers, but I do know I'm happy not to have spent a miserable year.  This blog is doing better than I expected, I've met some interesting people, I've learned about changes in the world of technology outside of wireless telecommunications, I'm still working on the development of my interview skills, but I think I'm getting better at that and at networking.  And, frankly, those are two life skills we should all keep working at even if we do have a "good job."  I've heard about so many long-term employees who are "surprised" at their lay-off and that just boggles my mind.  Layoffs were such a constant through the 90's and early '00's, that maybe "we" forgot how tenuous that industry is, how untrustworthy a corporation is.  "Needs of the business..." blah blah blah means bottom line - you need to take care of yourself.  And there will be more to come guys.  More to come.

I could smell it in 2013 and by the 2014 GeekGirlCon I was pulled forward even further.  I'd already given my notice, but still had the opportunity to retract it if I wanted.  I gotta say, my ex-boss was willing to let me recant my retirement.  I was terrified at the time.  I'd given three months notice to

ensure there was a healthy time for the transition, but it also played hell on my nerves.  I wanted to stay where I was.  I was comfortable, wasn't ?  I made very good money.  I had an amazing reputation.  I worked with fabulous people.  My work was interesting.  WTF was I thinking?

And then I went to GeekGirlCon again, and I saw possibilities - again.  I spoke with other companies who were rapidly hiring - again.  I met women who were talking about the fallout from GamerGate and pushing them to write their own programs, share their own voices and interest.  I met a few women at the con and we have now been meeting for a full year as CodeSistersSeattle.

Possibilities are not promises.  There are no guarantees.  While at GeekGirlCon 2015 I thought of how angry I would have been this past year if I hadn't left, how even more frustrated.  How I would have trapped myself.  Bottom line:  while getting a job when you're over 50 is tough, I've been running into plenty of young women who have been looking for a year or more or are still under-employed.  It makes me feel like less of a freak and I have a chance to give back, to help someone else.  But the Con re-grounded me in the hopefulness of the possibilities and so, no, I won't be turning away from the ideals I've set for myself.  I'm trying some more outrageous things besides working on my letterpress printing design, cleaning up my four books of poetry, learning python the hard way, investigating the possibility of developing my own game, organizing a women's meetup, volunteering to be a block watch organizer, and writing two blogs.