Talismans and Nightmares

Wednesday, June 3rd - Contemplations of a Contact Killer

It might be that today just happens to be another grey Seattle day which followed yesterday's grey Seattle day (which killed my outdoor party - sort of.  Not really, just a little bit.  We ate outside, goddamnit, but it was chilly), but I had nightmares last night and woke up feeling like, "The Contact Killer."  In the nightmare I heard myself yelling, "Someone hear me!  Someone hear me!"

Yeah, the submission of cover letters and resumes continues, but the return rate is shit.  All the contacts and calls I've gotten have been from meeting people at Meetups, or from my name showing up in recruiter's searches.  And yet today I have two interviews.  One for a permanent job within a very large corporation and one to interview with a technical contracting company, but more to help me figure out if I want to do contract work / how contracting work works.  You know I'll let you know if I figure it out.

Thursday, June 4th - Tech Interview debacle

Technical interview yesterday - embarrassing.  No, I didn't know the SELF JOIN.  Aaargh!  And then on the "build a table structure" thing, I kited off into timestamps to reduce inventory so I could check the rate at which items "left" the store.

The other interview with a recruiter went well.

Monday, June 8th - Reminiscing

Just got the "thank you for your interest, but..." email from the Tech Interview of Thursday.  I am not surprised.  After I quit beating myself up for not having learned my query language in school, but from copying from others or going to google, I realized this is much a self-selecting algorithm they have in place.  So, this just upholds my basic theory that interviewing is like dating.  No harm.  No foul for it not working out.  At least I learned about self-joins.

Which brings me up to my basic thesis for this post.  When I left work, I didn't expect to have another job for at least a year, if not more.  That might be a surprise to some.  I've had more than one person talk about the expectation I'd be quickly "snapped up."  That was not what I believed would happen because I didn't want to "just jump."  I'm specifically avoiding the Telcos at this point.  I will re-think that if a few more months pass, but for right now I still break out in hives.

I'm less like a..

Part of my planning was based upon the failure of being seen as Cinderella.  What I mean is that I didn't think I'd dress up pretty for the ball and The Prince would fall for me at first sight, first ball.  I projected my financials to cover three - five years, but that was with Dave having a job.  That has obviously changed, but even so, I have cash in the bank and I can type.  I have no problem dropping out of tech for a period of time because I do have a life outside of tech.  And I have the money.

Obviously things have somewhat changed, but still, finding that "match" is what it's all about.  That said, I've begun to explore the idea of being a contractor.

I like the idea of being a contractor because I'd get a chance to test the waters.  One drawback I see about contracting is the lack of income growth (i.e., raises).  But that could also be that I'd be coming in at a top rate.  I really have no idea, but would learn.  More importantly, I'd get to check out company cultures.  Move around a bit.  Update my skillsets.  And more importantly, remain untied to any single company.

and more like a...

So, no, it is not a surprise to me that this process will take time, that it won't be easy.  I don't see this as an issue of "ageism," as much as I see that

1)  Learning to read job descriptions so I apply for a job to which my experience doesn't overwhelm (i.e., applying for "too junior," or I don't have the language, etc.)
2)  Sending your resume in is the same as sending a draft of a novel into the slush pile of a publishing house.
3)  Refine.  Refine.  Refine your cover letter.
4)  I've gotten more "hits" from my LinkedIn profile or Indeed resume than I have from direct resume submission.
5)  I am not as "cheap" as those with less experience.
6)  The competition is actually quite deep.  We now compete with the world.
7)  Companies are self-selecting organisms.
8)  Sometimes some people will be able to hit one out of the park on their first try (Dave is a good example).  Me, I'm an acquired taste.
9)  I want my summer vacation.

"You are not as good as you think you are."

It's humbling not knowing everything, in fumbling a technical interview, in saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, in being awkward.  I've got my friends.  I have my Davie.  And my dog, Blue, loves me.  Job hunting is never easy.  What makes it easier for me is this is a willful situation.  I chose to leave and in making that choice, I accepted early on that this could take a while.  I accepted that I would face rejection.  I accepted that I would be competing with people who have much fresher skillsets than I because they haven't been siloed for as long.  I accepted that I might have to find another way to make a living.

Here's an amazing article about "What is the worst thing about working at Google?" which summarizes the problems people "like us" who have worked with the same company for aeons will face.  Check out Joe Canella's response:

Well basically, you end up spending the majority of your life eating Google food, with Google coworkers, wearing Google gear, talking in Google acronyms, sending Google emails on Google phones, and you eventually start to lose sight of what it's like to be independent of the big G...

To which the majority of folks will say "boo-hoo, poor spoiled Googler". But that's sort of the point. You are given everything you could ever want, but it costs you the only things that actually matter in the end. Your time and your energy. This is not unlike many people's situation at many companies, but at Google you don't quite see it coming. It's supposed to be different.

In the end, what I started to see was the most amazing, talented, passionate group of people I've ever known, all in one place, with no free time or energy to pursue the things that mattered the most to them. 

But AT&T no longer the cachet that Microsoft, Google, or Facebook, or Twitter has.  That I hadn't counted on.  That was a surprise.